Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Body issues

Ugh, I woke up and had only lost .4 of a pound after an evening of fighting hunger.  Then again, if I continue losing .4 of a pound a day for the next SIX MONTHS I will be back to my healthy weight. 

SIX MONTHS.  Half a year... 

The benefits of my body being at 160 pounds though are too much to ignore.  The pain of the auto-immune disease lessons tremendously, the physical weight off of my joints is incredible.  I'm light enough to be active as I enjoy and because I look better I FEEL better about myself. 

The horrible weight of growing up in the 80's, of actually once being a local model, of the decade of starving myself as a teen and early 20's because I wanted to be a model has permanently destroyed my feelings towards my body.  Over the years I've pretended or faked my 'okay-ness' of my body, but it was all a lie.  Everyday is just another day of ignoring the hateful feelings towards this physical body. 

Often I wonder about the spiritual aspect of this.  I'm not okay with being fat. Is that an ego issue? Is that an issue from this lifetime or is it an issue from a past life? I look at and feel my legs in this lifetime and they are not mine.  How do I explain that?  These legs are thick and solid, currently solid with fat and they hurt, not internally but if I bump into something or whatever, they sting, they burn, like a knife cutting my skin.

It's like I'm living in someone else's body.  I'm 48 years old, you'd think I'd gotten used to this body by now, but I haven't.  My only explanation is from a past life. Not just this life of years ago, but an actual past life. 

I see my bare legs, thin and muscular.  I'm shorter but not by much.  I'm running, barefoot through the grass, my lungs are clear and powerful, my legs those of a runner.  Although my clearest memories are of me running from danger, I know that in that lifetime I actually ran because I liked to run.  Because my body liked to run.

This body doesn't run.  My feet and ankles are shit.  My knees and hips hardly much better.  My lungs have always been an issue, even when my muscles were strong and could run, my lungs could never keep up with me. 

I want another body.  I want another life.  And yet, I'm not ready to let this life go just yet. 

So, here I am, desperately trying to lose 70 pounds so that I can actually 'LIVE' this life fully and not just hide myself behind everything and everyone. 

TODAY'S JUICE (2 pints)
2 green apples
1 lime
4 celery
2" ginger root
1" turmeric root

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

January 3, 2017 - hungry

Well, I've lost nearly 5 pounds in 2 days but I realize that's just the stuff in my colon.  Totally disgusting.

I had to go to work today and although I was really good and I was really proud of myself, I still was anxious and fidgety at lunch so I ate a salad of just baby greens and my raw ranch dressing from my video years ago.  I did not have even one candy or chocolate at work today - VERY PROUD of myself on that one as that place is stressful.

I juiced kale, cilantro and half a green apple for breakfast before my upside-down coffee. 

After the coffee enema, shower and dressed I juiced:
4 carrots
3" ginger root
2" thin turmeric root
half a green apple
1 lime
1 grapefruit
1/2 a pomegranate 

I drank half and took the other half to work, which I drank throughout the morning.

This evening all I've had is a mug of Rose Tulsi tea and it's not exactly curbing my apatite. Gotta shrink that big gut of mine... ugh.

Monday, January 2, 2017

January 2, 2017 and I changed my url/blog name

I changed my blog name and url without any notification.  I feel really good about that.  I only had 45 followers but I just don't need that right now.  If someone finds my blog and wants to follow me, I guess that's fine. I don't allow comments anyway.  If you NEED to get ahold of me you can always email me at

Yesterday was a successful day for me.  I had a large glass of water, a cup of coffee and then I juiced a large amount and drank it throughout the day.

It was easy until evening, when I usually watch a bit of tv while drinking a cup of tea or glass of wine and eat several pieces of chocolate or cheese and crackers.  Several times I got up and walked to the kitchen and then had to force myself to turn around, leaving with nothing to chew on.  Eventually, I made a cup of Tulsi Sleep Tea and that helped to relieve some of the anxiety I was feeling.

This morning I had a glass of water and juiced a large amount again.

1 peeled green apple
3" gingerroot
2" fresh turmeric root
1/2 pomegranete
1 grapefruit
4 large carrots
handful of cilantro

It's much too hot from the ginger and not as palatable as yesterday.  I'm out of veggies to juice so I will be driving an hour and a half to the closest Whole Foods in Fort Collins, Colo. for organics.

After I get home, I have HOURS AND HOURS of writing to do for the newspaper.  I'm not looking forward to it but it has to be done.

I've no idea how long I'm going to juice.  I felt so good this morning but I'm feeling anxious about going out to dinner with my son on Saturday.  Maybe I juice thru Wednesday, eat salads and fruit only on Thursday and Friday and that allows me to eat with my son on Saturday.  Then, Sunday, I could go back to juicing.

Only time will tell. 

Sunday, January 1, 2017

January 1, 2017

Too much time has passed to remotely catch anyone up on my life.

I'm not sure if I should even keep the name or photos on the header as I haven't been in ranching for over 4 years.  Shoot, my ex husband and his new wife now have the gelding I'm riding in the picture on the header.

I guess, the good news is that after all this time, there's no one left reading my blog anyway so I'm just going to use it for myself.

It's the first day of January, 2017 and I need this date to change my life.

To find myself again thru the movement of forward motion. No looking back, only remembering my strength and that I've done this before, I can do it again. 

I just watched my videos that I had posted in 2012 and they inspired me.  Although I wish I realized then just how lucky I was to live in an area that I could forage and grow greens so easily.

Today, I weigh 240 pounds.  That's 80 pounds more than when I was making those videos. The past five years has been emotionally and physically, well, I just cannot put it into words. There have been ups and great times spiritually and emotionally and maybe even a bit physically when I lived in Sedona and was hiking a few times a week. 

I'm starting over - I HAVE to if I want to live. I've been very sick.  Sicker than I ever was at the beginning of my disease but I've refused medical help and pharmaceuticals, mostly because I don't have insurance.  I nearly died a year ago; pulmonry emboli - close to ONE HUNDRED of them was found in my lungs on January 5, 2016.  Just before that in October 2015 I fell and seriously sprained BOTH ankles on a slippery wet cement curb. I've not ever really gotten my ankles back to before that accident.  Walking is painful and a struggle. Between the bad food, injuries, weight gain, depression, drugs to cure the blood clots in my lungs and just the feeling of being in the wrong place, I often wonder why I am still in this reality.  I have friends and family but the me, that was me, that loved ME, I think she died when Stuart died.

Anyway, enough of that, here's what I've eaten today:

1 glass water
1 cup coffee with agave and almond milk

4 massive organic ("O")carrots
1" ginger root, O
2" turmeric root, O
1 green apple, peeled
1 medium beet, O
1 pomegranite
1 grapefruit

I drank a glass for lunch.  I'm going to drink another glass in a few minutes.

For dinner I might roast brussel sprouts or I might juice.

I don't know if I'm going to go on a juice fast or not.  As I work full time, the stress makes it difficult to go on a juice fast.  Also, my eldest son has been planning on taking me out to dinner in Denver next weekend, so a juice fast may not be smart.  I'm in the mood to start now but I'm not sure if it's the right timing. Maybe next Sunday, after dinner out with my son, I could start a juice fast.

I guess we will see.   

ALSO, I've disabled and deleted all comments.  I don't need that shit in my life.  If you know me and want to make a comment, call me, email me, facebook me.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Just a FEW of the Raw Desserts I've made

Here's some pictures of just a few of the MANY raw desserts I've made over the last 7 years.  I really thought I had taken more pictures!  Lol  What I found interesting is that in all the pictures I haven't photographed ANY of my raw chocolates!  Not my Magic Brownie Bites, not my Halva... nothing.  I guess I ate them too fast :)  I also realized I've never photographed any of my raw ice creams either.  Again, the likely hood is that I just ate them all before photographing :) 
Double layer Berry Cheesecake (blackberry on top and strawberry underneath)

I call this "Sprite Cheesecake" a Lemon-Lime cheesecake with Raspberry drizzle

Ummm... A favorite of mine when I lived in East Texas and could pick my own blackberries!  Blackberry Pie <3 br="">

I believe these were quick individual crust-less berry pies with chunky coconut cream and chocolate toppings

One of my favorites, a Vanilla cheesecake with a berry layer on top

Another photo of my PURE and seedless Blackberry Pie

This was a triple berry bottom layer made with Irish Moss then a berry cheesecake later topped with vanilla cheesecake

Lavender Lemon Cheesecake with my favorite nutty crust.

Mango Berry Pie with a date walnut crust, tastes awesome but not a good keeper as it gets watery

Breakfast, Dessert, whatever you want to call it, it's AWESOME!  Orange Soup with Coconut Cream swirl

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

The countdown begins! 72 hours to My New Life!

The sink is full of dirty dishes.  I promised to sweep and mop the hardwood floors. I have washed all the clothes and bedding. I need to clean the bathrooms and kitchen really well before I take off so my husband has a clean and organized house.

My packing is not finished but my car is already nearly full.  I still need to pack my clothes and all my kitchen stuff and superfoods - oh, and my oil and water paints. 

Yet all I can think about is SEDONA and the life that is awaiting me there. 

I found this picture online and it's not mine but the words are mine.  I used to think I was a failure.  That I wasn't good enough.  That I was weak and a follower even though my lion heart felt differently.  I AM strong.  I AM good enough.  I AM a leader of my own Path.  And I can't wait to get in my car Saturday morning and head towards everything that awaits me on the path that I've been forging for all these years.  Who knew that the shy and sensitive little country girl from Nebraska would someday be a 45 year old recently empty nester, newly separated (from her second marriage), raw foodie and Mystical Sage on the verge of the most fantastic and solitary journey of her life.  Not me.  I'm grateful for all my "mis"-steps in Life because without them I'd not be where I am today.  My future holds so many unknowns but I'm ready for them because I head into it with an Open Mind and a Heart full of LOVE. 

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Follow up and Review of my "40 Days to Physical Spiritual and Emotional Reset

I just wanted to update you and give you the low-down on my 


and I wanted you to know that it went terrific!

I decided not to continue blogging about each and every little thing, every single day but I did continue journaling. Oh, there were a few days that I didn't.  There were several days I never got around to yoga and admittedly there were a few days I didn't meditate to the extent that I wanted to.  Chanting kinda fell by the wayside and my ego does feel badly about that but Ganesha understands that I always come back.  

Now... how did the diet portion go you are wondering.  Well, I did not do it exactly as I'd originally set out to but I did what my body needed.  That is something we all need to understand.  We need to do what our bodies need, not what the latest diet fad is, not what the most popular food guru says we should do, but what our physical bodies need at their core.   

So this is what I did as far as my 'diet'.  
  • I drank only smoothies for the first 20 days
  • I transitioned from smoothies to 100% raw food for 5 days, eating mainly fruit and salads for one meal at lunch and smoothies the rest of the time
  • The last 15 days I drank a smoothie or juice for breakfast and ate 100% raw vegan the rest of the day
And the best news of all.... (wait for it...)  I'm still 100% raw vegan and I feel amazing!  I now remember all that I loved about being raw and I feel that this time I will not faulter.  I've lived through and experienced food addictions all over again in a much bigger way than ever before.  I've recognized and acknowledged what foods, situations and emotions pull me away from being raw.  It's not an easy road for me, especially in the living situation that I've been in all these years.  Living with SAD eaters and having my foods looked at as 'gross and disgusting' is just nearly impossible to deal with.  Yet, I've learned these past 40 days to remember to LOVE MYSELF.  I am a goddess of the Love and Light and All that Is, Was and Ever Shall Be.  I am created in perfection but I am still in a physical body and partially limited to the laws of this physical world.  I've learned that I am most important to myself and my diet and lifestyle choices are what keeps me healthy, alive and open to Love, Light and Spirit.   This lifestyle, this diet of 100% raw vegan foods... this is what keeps my physical body in the Light and free from aches, pains and issues dealing with the auto-immune disease that I no longer acknowledge as a permanent part of my life.

My 'diet' of 100% raw food was not all that worked towards my reset.  The journaling was huge!  The prayer and meditation was a necessity and continues to be every single day.  I intend to work towards bringing yoga into my life everyday as well.  My move to Sedona and living with a yogi should absolutely help me on that path!  My chanting I hope to continue on the rocks around Sedona.

Oh! And I forgot to mention that I released 15 pounds over those 40 days and continue to lose a pound every few days.  I'm down 20 pounds now and look forward to the next 20 pounds coming off before summer so that I can wear my shorts from two years ago when I was at my best weight of 160.  I know that living in Sedona, the yoga and the access to hiking will help those last 20 pounds just fall off and I'm excited about that little physical (ego) bonus.

But what I want everyone to know, what was MOST important on this 40 day reset, was that although I re-found my perfect way of life (100% raw foods lifestyle) it was finding myself, resetting my spirit and emotions (I'll blog more about those emotional rollercoasters at a later date) that really has made all the difference in my world. 

Blessed Be My Loved Ones!!!

April 2014 I will be housemates with Reiki Rob and neighbor to Dan McDonald.

Life has recently blessed me with a series of synchronicities that only The Highest Powers could have showered upon me!

Last Tuesday, April 11th I was awakened by my newest Spirit guide, The Green Man and also by my longtime guide, Iowasa.  They told me to get on Craigslist and look for a house share in Sedona, Arizona.  They pointed me towards an ad, which I immediately called.  I talked to a woman named CaraMarie and as we talked I explained that although I'd been wanting to move to Sedona for years, I hadn't seriously thought I could do it because of lack of money and a job.  She asked, 'then why did you call?'  I replied that my guides had told me to call and that I was a psychic, medium and energy healer.  She paused several seconds then said, 'I know why you called.'  She explained that just the day before she had heard of a job opening at Mystical Bazaar for both retail sales and psychic reader.  She gave me the number and I immediately called the shop where I talked to the manager for a half hour.  I then emailed my website and more information to the owner.  By 7:30 pm that night the owner had offered me a week of trail work at her shop!

Over the course of the week, the job opportunity was pulled because she needed retail help immediately but said that when I am moved to and settled in Sedona that she would like to meet me and discuss a possible job as a part-time reader/healer.  Also, during the week, I realized the first woman I talked to was not the best house-share opportunity for me.  My guides reminded me of a post I'd glanced at about a house share with "Reiki Rob".  I called him on Sunday, April 16th, he answered and we talked only a few minutes because he was in the middle of something and that we could talk more later that afternoon.  While I was hoping to distract myself from waiting for his call I decided to catch up on my Dan "The Life Regenerator" McDonald YouTube videos and this is what I found... 

When the Powers of Spirit decide to make things happen it is truly a work of art that only they can paint.  I have longed for such blessings for years but was too afraid to ask for what I truly wanted because I felt that I needed to stay where I was to take care of my family and my youngest teenager.

It is interesting that although the wheels had started turning on this new journey, I was still feeling unable to continue the move to Sedona because I didn't want to leave my teenager. I knew that he was just as stuck as me and that I couldn't leave him feeling as I'd felt for so long.  It's interesting that at some point on that same Sunday, my oldest son mentioned that his youngest brother would be a terrific lifeguard back in our hometown of Kimball, Nebraska. That night I Facebook messaged an old friend there who runs the city pool.  At 8:30 Monday morning I checked my messages and saw that she had replied and that she'd love to have him as a lifeguard this summer but that lifeguard training started Tuesday night!  Within 4 hours of waking up Monday morning, my son was on a flight to Nebraska to spend the next six months with my parents. Although we were all kinda in shock, I could see just how happy he was.  He was no longer stuck.  He was starting a new chapter of his life and although he looked a little nervous I could see and sense his excitement.  We gave each other a gift that day without even realizing it.  The gift and opportunity to BE OURSELVES, to find ourselves and to find our HAPPINESS.  

It's now Thursday, April 20th, 2014 and my rent check is in the mail to Rob for the month of April.  Although my ego is a worry-wort, my heart, soul, spirit and the guidance of my Spirit Guides has given me the hope and belief that this is not a temporary move but the beginning of the rest of my life.   The place where all roads of the past have brought me to.  I am finally in a place in my heart to understand that I did a terrific job raising my boys to be all that THEY are.  That I have taught them unconditional love of not just others but for themselves.  And finally, I have learned that although I am separated from my beloved children by the physical locations of the earthly plane, that we are never separate, We are All One, and that my love for them and they for me is never ending. 

It is MY time for me to grow, to give myself unconditional love and to awaken to ALL that I was created by the Love and the Light to BE now.  This is my Path.  And I am ready. 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

February 10th, 2014 - Day 7

It's Monday, my husband went back to work and we are supposed to homeschool today.  Unfortunately...

I awoke early this morning with what is called a "healing reaction or crisis".  My RA hands were swollen and on fire along with my wrists, elbows, shoulders, neck, spine, hips, knees, ankles and feet.  Looking back to last night I should have noticed the signs.  As I was huddled under a blanket and feeling emotional and cold to the bone, the rest of the family were sweating and complaining it was too hot in the house.  I knew I wasn't catching a cold or flu as I haven't seen anyone outside our family since starting this journey.

It's hard to describe to someone who hasn't experienced this pain themselves exactly what my auto-immune pain feels like.  Or why it's different than normal arthritis or joint pain.  All I can tell you is that it IS different.  Very, very different.  And having a flare is the worst because, at least for me, that means it's not "just" my knees or not "just" one or another set of joints, it's ALL my joints. It also means that the inflammation in the joints creates pain in the muscles surrounding them making basically every part of my body hurt including my eyeballs, yes, my eyeballs.

You may already know what a healing reaction is or this may be the first time you've heard of them.

In my understanding, a healing reaction (or crisis) happens when a person drastically alters their diet from what they typically eat to something incredibly healthy. Without all the bad, toxic foods coming in daily and all the good healing foods replacing them, the body's initial reaction goes something like this, "Ooohhh!  Aaaahhh!  I feel GREAT!  This is AMAZING!  There's no sludge, toxins and crap assaulting me continually and I'm actually being NOURISHED in the way that makes me work more efficiently so I now feel like a million bucks!"  Then, after a few days of actually working efficiently the body has eliminated the immediately available toxins and has to start working on the toxins deeper in the body, cells, etc.  This means that the body has fully activated it's immune system and is sending it's worker drones in to create healing inflammations in the body to remove the toxins deep within.  THIS IS A GOOD THING! According to Charlotte Gerson in her book "Healing The Gerson Way":
"When the body is first turned around towards healing, what Dr. Gerson called the "healing mechanism" is being activated and the immune system begins to kick in. The body produces a healing inflammation and releases toxins from the tissues, producing a massive toxic load that has to be eliminated from the liver. The process is sometimes accompanied by a healing fever and even spells of depression and panic."
She goes on to add the list of other possible side-effects including: weakness, fatigue, increased pain, fever, nausea, diarrhea, gas and changes in or lack of appetite. Although the first flare-ups are short lived and minor, later healing reactions can bring about much more impressive results such as attacking malignant tissues, healing old injuries, fractures, scars and other serious conditions as well as high blood pressure and diabetes.  Go to to learn more about what I consider to be one of the best healing therapies known to man.

Day seven has not been my favorite day, that's for certain.  It's nearly 5:30 pm and I still feel like I was run over by a bus or something.  I did all my normal things as usual, although slower.  I also took a long hot soak in epson salt, baking soda, sea salt and lavender essential oil.


This afternoon I've been sipping on my own 100% organic Oolong Blackberry Agave Kombucha.

Later this evening I'll make another smoothie.  Maybe.  Right at the moment I just want some hot tea, a blanket and a chick flick.

February 7, 8 and 9, 2014 - Days 4, 5 and 6

Well, so much for blogging every day.  But in all honesty it IS really difficult to blog with my husband in the house - and the man had 3 days off, so there went that.  I'll write up a quick recap as to the past 3 days then I'll get onto today.

Friday, Day 4
Friday was my husband's first of a three day weekend and we had planned the night before to go target practicing and hiking in the West Texas, Chihuahua Desert. You might think, hiking in the flat desert can't be that much exercise,  but you'd be wrong. At least where we go hiking.  South west of Fort Stockton it's not just flat, it has lots of very tall plateaus to hike up, down and around.   As a bonus, this time of year it's also very safe as the snakes are still hibernating. I'll skip all the details but I was feeling really terrific, we had a great time and the hike was intense.  I mean, my muscles and joints hurt for two full days after.  It felt wonderful :)

Backtracking to earlier that morning I've got to tell you that I had the most VIVID dream.  So vivid, so real,  that I could taste the warm sweet figs and feel the heartbreak at the end.  The dream was so memorable that after my morning routine of hot water, lemon, cinnamon and honey drink, the upside-down coffee and a shower, I went to my computer and started typing it up. It just flew from my fingers onto the page like I was just explaining what I'd seen in a movie.  I guess my dream wants to be a short story.  I'll keep you up on how it's going :)

After about an hour of writing I did some yoga and we headed off to go hiking. I'd made up a smoothie and had drank half of it and took the remainder with me to drink between shooting and hiking.  I can't really remember what was in it but I know it was a green smoothie.

I can't exactly remember what we did the rest of the day, probably just watched the Olympics.  I can't remember what smoothie I made in the evening but I know I made another one.  All in all I remember it being a great day, no issues with emotions or cravings or anything, just an awesome day all around.

Saturday, Day 5
I remember waking up in the middle of the night and feeling my joints to be quite sore and the RA to be a bit over the top.  I broke down and took half a Tramadol so that I could sleep. We'd had plans to go to a gun and ATV show in Odessa, about an hour and a half away but that morning I decided against it.  I slept in another hour or so after the guys left for the show around 8 am.

When I did wake up I, of course, followed what has become my morning routine of praying, "Help me to perform whatever miracles you want of me today" and I also prayed for my friend who has bone marrow cancer.  I then got up, made myself my hot water, lemon, cinnamon, honey drink, started my organic coffee on the stove and got back into bed.  While sipping my hot drink I chanted the Om Gum Ganapataya Namaha mantra 108 times after which I meditated.  Then I enjoyed my upside down coffee and showered.

The plan was to do my YOGA that morning but my joints were in pretty rough shape so I opted not to in order to let them rest from the several mile, UP AND DOWN ROCKY PLATEAU FACES, we'd done the day before.  Instead I made a SMOOTHIE


Now here is the terrific part of my Saturday...  I took my just showered and still in a towel wrapped body along with my smoothie and went OUTSIDE :)  It was so warm and lovely that I took off my towel and laid naked in the sun on the back porch with the dogs.  You have no idea how wonderful it felt to have the sun warming up my skin and soothing my sore joints! It was pure heaven on earth (at least until someone in a maroon pickup started down our quarter mile - PRIVATE- driveway and spooked the dogs, which caused me to jump up naked to see who was coming up the drive.  I've little doubt they saw me. Oh well, that's what they get for driving past a "PRIVATE PROPERTY" sign and over a cattle guard.)  Overall though, that sun bath really boosted how I was feeling physically, mentally and emotionally.  It was like a shot of pure happiness that lasted throughout the day.

After the beautiful sun bath and getting dressed I brought out my sewing machine and started working on a skirt I'd cut the pieces for over a year before.   I was really wanting something to eat or drink but I was completely out of food so I opted to drink about 20 oz of my own brewed blueberry mint kombucha.

When the guys came back from Odessa they brought me three HUGE boxes of Organic Power Greens and two full bags of frozen organic fruit plus a whole bag or organic bananas for my smoothies :)  I know I made a small smoothie then but I can't for the life of me remember what it was but it was just like a cup full as the kombucha really curbs my appetite.

Sunday, Day 6
First thing I noticed this morning was the number on the scale.  In five days I had lost...


I am now down to 190 pounds, YEA ME!

When I first moved to West Texas in July of 2012, I weighted approximately 165-8 and was feeling pretty invincible.  My RA was under control, I was walking anywhere between 2.5 to 5 miles a day and was doing one of the following dvd workouts by Jillian Michaels (30 Day Shred, Shred-It with Weights, 6 Week Six-Pack).  Now, I wasn't in great shape by any definition of the word, but I had been exercising religiously for several months and had not only leveled up from beginner to stage two but was getting pretty good at that level as well.  I was in pretty much the best physical shape I'd been in for several years.  Oh, I may have still weighted quite a bit more than I had when I did at the peak of being raw, but I was lifting weights daily, taking care of a dozen horses at our breeding ranch and caring for 2 teenagers and packing up an entire house and ranch by myself, so the amount of muscle I had the summer of 2012 was much more than the summer of 2008 when I only weighed 145-150.  I remember wishing everyday that if I could just lose another 10 pounds,  I could fit into the clothes that I'd held onto from my high raw vegan days. Now I wish I'd just stayed at the weight and size I was and never lost my muscle and my will and gained all this fat and emotional baggage.

Anyway, after my entire morning routine of prayer, meditation, chanting, lemon drink, enema and shower I was feeling pretty awesome and made a SMOOTHIE


I then fixed the guys a big batch of french toast which I swear they in haled as I went outside to check on the horses water. We spent a good portion of the morning and early afternoon outside on the front porch listening to music and I painted a rock, that I'd picked up on a previous hiking trip, with the sacred geometry "tree of life" design. After the bees started getting too much for us we headed inside and started watching the Olympics.


After a few hours I noticed myself getting a minor headache and feeling not so great and I tried to ignore it.  Then my family wanted an early dinner (as I hadn't fixed them lunch) so I fixed spaghetti with creamed tomato sauce, spinach and Parmesan, an of course, their hamburger.  I've got to be honest, when I was making it I wasn't the slightest interested in it.  As my family was eating I had a nice long phone call with my sister and completely forgot about the spaghetti.

It was at this point I made another small SMOOTHIE


About halfway through this VERY green and bitter smoothie I started feeling like I wanted to cry. I had been feeling very raw and emotional the past few hours but had tried to keep my focus on the athletes on TV.  Eventually it got a bit more than I could just ignore so  I decided to "feel" my way into figuring out why I wanted to cry.  Then I realized it was the smell of the spaghetti mixed with several hours of watching television with all the food and restaurant advertisements.  I realized that my stomach was growling and I was feeling seriously hungry for the first time since starting this reset.  It was all I could do not to eat something, anything.  I did drink a cup of kombucha in hopes that it was curb my hunger pangs.  Eventually I made a cup of Sleepytime tea and went to bed feeling a little bit better although still quite emotional.

February 6, 2014 - Day Three

Good Morning, Good Morning, Good Morning!

Although yesterday I said I was feeling better already it was actually kinda an off day. Both my son and I were a tad bit on the grumpy side.  It's been cold outside and pretty gloomy with the sun hidden behind endless grey skies so I'm going to attribute our mood to the lack of sunlight.  As if we are plants :)

Today I did NOT want to get out of bed.

I'd gone to sleep with a headache last night that I'd assumed was from detox symptoms already.  You know, detoxing from the breads, dairy and America's favorite drug- WHITE SUGAR.  It was actually so bad that I couldn't fall asleep.  Well, the headache pain in combination with hearing about a longtime school friend's father's tragic death that I'd read on Facebook just after climbing into bed for the night.  Then, just as I thought I was falling asleep I got a text from my father about the accident.  So, after another half hour of pain in my head and then pain in my heart for my friend, I broke down and took a tramadol.  Which ended up possibly helping me fall asleep but I awoke with a headache again this morning so maybe it wasn't worth taking it at all.  I HATE taking prescription drugs.  I'm kinda disappointed in myself for even going to the doctor earlier in the month to get the prescription.  Then again, I was taking prescription pain pills anyway and they weren't even mine so I figured if I was going to take them I should get my own script. At least I only take a half or maybe a full one when I can't stand it anymore.  It's not like I take them all the time.

So, this morning, because of my headache, I did sleep in a little longer than normal.  So I was a bit rushed by the dogs wanting to go outside and that meant that I have not meditated or chanted yet today.  It's 4:12 already so I'll do both later tonight before bed.  But I did repeat the prayer "Help me to perform whatever miracles you want of me today" several times before the dogs got too rambunctious.

Starting tomorrow I've decided to start separate morning and evening prayers in addition to the meditation and chanting.

I've decided to dedicate every mornings prayer to my best friend who is fighting bone marrow cancer and the resulting leukemia the cancer created.  (After my own prayer about miracles.)

I met my dear friend a few years ago through a dating website for married people who want to have affairs.  Yep, you read that correctly.  Although we originally met for what we thought was to be a short time in our lives, we soon realized we were soul mates.  Let me clarify that.  We have such an intense FRIENDSHIP, such love and compassion and understanding of each other, that it's obvious, at least to me, that we have known each other in another lifetime.  Therefor, we are soul mates.  Not that we are destined to be lovers or anything like that, just that we recognized something so strong and pure and clear in each other that we've been best friends nearly from the very first phone call.  It's a friendship unlike any other I've ever had.  We just accept each other the way we are.  And, we're always honest with each other. 

Okay, onto YOGA!

Here is the routine I did three times today (plus a few extra moves from yesterday's just to stretch out some muscles I thought today's had missed).   I did notice almost immediately the intense use of my wrists again today.  I'm so glad that I didn't do any yesterday so that today my wrists were okay.

I love the whole idea of SUN SALUTATIONS!  I just only wished there were a sun out today that I could SEE!

Now for the SMOOTHIES!

I started the day as usual with my lemon, honey, cinnamon hot water followed by my upside-down coffee.  Then, of course, I did my yoga.   Then I made this smoothie


I should have put ginger root in it but I forgot.  It was perfectly yummy as it was though and I could taste that slight saltiness of the celery which I definitely needed :)

Okay, for this afternoon's recipe I took the meat from the young Tahitian coconut I used from this morning and added it to the blender with enough water to make 4 cups of coconut (meat) milk.  Then I put half into a jar and put in the fridge to use tomorrow.  Then I made this smoothie


And that's all for today :)  As mentioned at the beginning I plan on meditating, chanting and doing bedtime prayers tonight <3 a="" already.="" brighter="" feel="" honestly="" i="" nbsp="" outlook="" p="">

February 5, 2014 - Day Two

So I awoke feeling pretty darn good actually. I started the day with the prayer "Help me to perform whatever miracles you want of me today." and also by chanting to Ganesha.  This time, without the tears but with HOPE in my heart <3 p="">
I gotta tell you, it felt GREAT to go to sleep without a full, bloated and uncomfortable tummy for a change.  As nod from the heavens that I'm on the right path, this morning I was kinda shocked to see that in the past 24 hours I'd actually lost 3 whole pounds!  I know because I'd weighed myself yesterday first thing in the morning and yes, as it had been for months, just stuck on 200 gross pounds. So YES! This IS working!

After my morning lemon, honey, cinnamon hot water followed by my upside-down coffee I then got onto YOGA! 
Originally I intended to do this routine twice or even three times but it was all I could do to get it done once! And it's not like I ran through them, I actually was very slow, tried to be as fluid as possible and breathed through each one several times.  Obviously there were some I couldn't quite do, for instance 5, 6, 18 and 19 but I gave them all my best shot.  Oh, many of the others weren't pretty either but I DID them and that's all that I wanted to accomplish this first time.  So... YEA for me!

As for as SMOOTHIES, I started the day with  


Then in the afternoon I sipped on a totally new smoothie recipe that I'd never made in my life but found recommended on several green smoothie website.  Actually it sounds quite... well, gross, in my opinion but I was totally surprised just how good it was. 

For each of these smoothies I'm making with about 1 to 2 cups of water so that the finished result it around 4 Cups.  Just enough that I fill one large mouth pint jar and put it in the fridge for later and have the same amount to drink immediately.  Then I sip on it as the day goes by. As soon as I've finished one I make the second one so that, I hope, I never really get hungry. 

February, 4th - The Beginning

Nearly 11 am, February 4th, 2014.

After I fell back to sleep I dreamed a very vivid dream which I'm not sharing here.  But there was something about that dream that made me feel sad, lost and lonely.

The past two days I've eaten poorly.  I think, no, I know that it all started because I was cold and had made a vegan stew with lentils and quinoa.  Very healthy actually.  But for some reason it propelled me into eating bad packaged foods (tortilla chips, flour tortillas) and dairy again (can you tell I live 3 hours from Mexico?)  I'd been eating raw for the previous three days before that.

This morning I awoke, sat up and read what I'd printed out and taped to the wall yesterday.

"Help me to perform whatever miracles you want of me today."

I prayed that that saying several times and then without thought just started chanting "Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha", a Hindu mantra to invoke the Lord Ganesha to remove all obstacles and blockages in my life.  I haven't chanted it in a very long time.  It just came to me from Spirit.  I cried and cried the entire time I was chanting.

And then a very clear and very loud voice or if you'd prefer, 'thought' said to me.  "40 DAYS TO HEALTH AND SPIRITUAL CLEANSING".  I saw it all laid out very clearly like it was written on a piece of paper.

10 days of smoothies, 20 days of juicing, 10 days of smoothies

Daily Morning Yoga and an afternoon walk, even if it's just to the mailbox and back

Daily Meditation and Chanting

Daily journaling to release all my pent up and nasty egotistical emotions

I looked on the calender and found it interesting that by starting today I will finish on March 15th,  the day before the March full moon.  Just five days short of the Spring Equinox and the Wicca Holiday Ostera.

So the smoothies and the juicing is not new to me.  Been there, done that for close to seven years now as I have been blogging at But as much as I KNOW how to heal my body I've just not been doing it.  So... it looks like now I need a major reset.

As for the yoga I found this cute thing on Pinterst called Morning Yoga  and features an adorable little pencil drawn rabbit doing the yoga.  (Here's a copy of it.  When I figure out how to make widgets work I'll update it to work correctly. )

(Later) So, I just did 3 sets of these poses.  THREE SETS and my blood is pumping and my muscles feel stretched more than they've been in awhile.  I'd keep going, although I'm already winded! But my hands and wrists hurt.  To many downward dog bunny poses.  Maybe I need to find other morning yoga routines too?

(And later, again) Ok, so I found and printed off SIX more morning yoga routines.  All different.  Some are as little as 8-12 moves that need repeated 4-8 times and some have 24 poses that are only repeated 2-4 times.  I've chosen half to have little or no wrist weight to aggravate my sad and weak little RA wrists and mixed them in so that there's never two days in a row that I have that much weight and pressure on my wrists.  Tomorrows doesn't use ANY weight on my wrists.  I believe this is a great start!

I made a MANGO LASSIE (ALMOND MILK, MANGO, BANANA, CORIANDER, CINNAMON, AGAVE) for breakfast which actually lasted till nearly 3 pm. 

Then for the afternoon I made a GREEN SMOOTHIE (KALE, BANANA, WATER, DANDELION, CILANTRO, AGAVE) that lasted till after 7 pm as I just sipped on it all evening.

I feel GOOD going to bed not feeling bloated or uncomfortable.  And the weird thing is that not once did I feel hungry. 

February 4th, 2014 - Before the Epiphany

(The following entry was copied exactly from my journal to this blog.  I thought adding it to the blog was essential to show my mindset before I started my journey, before I even realized I was going on a journey.)  
It's 3:36 am on February 4th, 2014.  I've been awake awhile.  Laying in bed praying. Begging.  Feeling sorry for myself.  Letting my ego be in control.  Hating myself. My bad haircut. My 200 pounds of fat and no muscle.  Hating my body and lack of will power.  My Self Hatred.  My ugliness and self-loathing.  My depression.  My BOREDOM.   My total dislike for the place we live.  The area is ugly. The house is okay but oh, SOOOO dark.  It's dreary, depressing. Dark.  Like my soul feels right now.

I feel sick, physically sick from all the crap and dairy I ate yesterday.  Intentionally.  Because I was feeling bored and stuck and self-loathing. My hand hurts to write because its swollen from the salt and from the cheese and the crap I ate last night.  My stomach is still full-uncomfortable.  I've lost my ability to feel full.  I just KEEP EATING.  I worry is something wrong with my head or body. That I've lost my ability to know where "full" is.  I'm like Navada (our 9 year old yellow Labrador). I eat to just eat to freaking FEEL something.  Anything. This life SUX.  Sometimes I think that I should just let go now and learn the lessons in the next life cuz I feel like a failure in this one.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Day 7 Green Juice and Sacred Geometry watercolor

Beautiful Colors aren't they?!

The green juice and the pinks and purples of the watercolor underneath.   

Today is Day Seven of my Juice Feast.  When I started out I wasn't sure how long I would go and then within the first 24 hours I wondered how long I could go.  As you know I've really been fighting with this one.  All the pain and emotions I've been going through only becoming more intensified by the juicing.  Which is all good!  I needed this- to go through this- to feel again.  

I'm thinking of having either an avocado, cucumber soup tonight or some other raw soup.  I know, I know, I'm finally doing well on the juice feast so why would I now go back to eating?  That's actually a good question.  I'm not entirely sure but I think it goes something like this.  I've done a week.  No, I conquered a week and lived through it.  My joints are feeling immensely better and I'm feeling more positive.  I've started on my journey back to health.  Yet, and I know this is so less important, I only lost a pound in the entire week, if that.  Although I do feel so much better at the same time I'm ready to getting back to chewing a bit of my food.  Yes, I understand its all about comfort and emotions and I acknowledge and accept that.  I've decided I'm going to continue my large green juice every morning.  Eat fruit at lunch and then have a raw vegetable meal for dinner.  At least for the time being.  I ordered Dan McDonald's (The Life Regenerator) newest DVD set "Detox Mastery".  As soon as it gets here I will start that.  Until then though, I'm thinking maybe fennel, cucumber, avocado soup for dinner tonight.  Yep... that sounds delish and I need some delish in my life right now.

This morning after juicing, instead of doing yoga and meditating today I decided to work on a sacred geometry watercolor.  As I was painting I was listening to a new radio show at Intention Radio called  Emerging from the Matrix with Salini.  If I could put into accurately descriptive sentences how and what I was feeling as I listened to Salini (click here for her website well, I'd be a published writer.  Seriously, I can't begin to explain the intense connection I had to literally everything she was saying.  There were moments that I honestly forgot where I was and felt like I was there with her in person and that what she was saying was directly to me and my situation.  The information in her first episode called Akasha, Karma and Reincarnation wasn't entirely all new to me yet her knowledge of it was so true, so effortless, it was as if she was channeling Source right there. I learned so much more from her in just that short hour, so much information, almost so much as to boggle the mind.  I plan on listening to both episodes again very soon to just soak in more of what she was saying.  

I find it strange... and beautiful that I only recently found Salini.  Actually I didn't find her, she found me.  I met Salini here, on this blog actually.  I'm incredibly humbled that she's been following me and making supportive comments on my journey. What I find strange is that at this point in my life I actually, you know, googled her.  Why I didn't do it earlier is beyond my understanding.  All I can say is that obviously I wasn't ready.  Well, Now I Am!!! 

Friday, September 20, 2013

Day 6 Juice Feast and Raw Emotions

I've made it to DAY SIX!  Yippee!!!  Every single day has been a challenge to stay on it.  There were times I wasn't sure I could go another second.  Like I said, this juice feast started out MUCH harder than any I'd previously done. 

And I know exactly why...  EMOTIONS (and lots of them).

Emotionally I was a wreck before I started juicing.  Sad, lost, confused, lonely, hurt and unable to connect to myself let alone Spirit.  Yet here I am!  Now I'm not saying I'm all better or that I've reached the other side already.  Actually I'm still pretty sad today.  Oh, I did a half hour of yoga which felt amazing followed by balancing my chakras and self reiki.  I also chanted "Om Sharavana Bhavaya Namaha" which is a Hindu mantra for good luck. After that I finally felt well enough that I made this beautiful green drink with juice of 1 cucumber, 2 small green apples, 3 kale, 3 celery, fistful of each cilantro and spinach... ALL ORGANIC by the way.  

So here I sit, centered, balanced, juiced and definitely feeling better than the past few days.  Yet I know there is so much inner work I need to do and I want to do it but focusing has been incredibly difficult for me lately.  

I bought a book last Saturday when I was picking up organics.  It's called The Path of Emotions by Dr. Synthia Andrews, ND.  I already own and read her book The Path of Energy and really enjoyed it.  As I've been feeling very off lately I thought The Path of Emotions would be perfect for me.  Alas, I can't get past page 17, which is the first page of Chapter 1.  Took me 3 nights to get to page 17.  Last night I couldn't even open the book, it just stared at me from my nightstand screaming "read me!" but all I wanted to do was sleep and cry.  So I did.

I'm not sure what my path is anymore.  I don't know which direction to go.  I used to think that raw foods, this blog and potentially a raw book and recipes were in my future.  After awhile though it just didn't feel right and I desperately needed to spend more time on my spirituality.  Although I've been on my spiritual path for decades it wasn't until I went raw that my spiritual life started leaking out into everything I did and said.  Three years ago I realized that maybe I should concentrate solely on spirituality in my 'off' time instead of haphazardly as I'd been for the past 7-10 years.  That went really well for me for the longest time.  My clairvoyance and ability to talk with those that have passed zoomed back stronger than ever, my intuition reached new heights and by taking some Reiki classes I felt like I'd finally found my calling.  I was given two new spirit guides to help me and I felt so much love and compassion and strength.  I could feel the healing energies when I helped not only myself but others and it was... well, just amazing!  I also started working part-time as a psychic adviser on the phone and I believe it was just as healing for me as it was for them. Things seemed to be going along as well as could be given the state of my marriage and I knew that eventually we'd all move on and live happier, healthier (emotional) lives.  

Summer 2013 with my siblings.
I don't know what happened.  I think maybe it was the trip back to Nebraska.  Being around so manypeople whom I felt didn't understand me, didn't truly love me and would never respect me.  Possibly it was my mother who, although she has Alzheimer's, has never been, shall we say, 'nice' to me.  I spent a week alone with her while my father took a well deserved mini vacation.  I can't possibly explain everything that happened.  The things she said to me.  The way she looked at me with pure hatred.  Not to mention the one night she actually told me she wanted to kill me, and believe me, she meant it.  Maybe it wasn't even my mother but actually my siblings who, when I contacted them about just how bad our mother was, didn't believe what she said or how she treated me.  Instead they flipped the whole thing around on me saying that I was creating the drama, I was upsetting our mother and that I needed to leave and basically, never come back.  The years of physical and emotional abuse from our mother, that my siblings have admitted they lived through as well, didn't mean anything in the end.  And yet, as I sit here typing some of my deepest hurts onto the world wide web, I will tell you something else about my family.  I still love them.  I will always love them, no matter what, completely unconditionally.  I just wish that they were capable of the same.  

Emotions.  They are a necessary part of life, of love, of BEING our Spirit Selves.  They are amazing when they are good and they hurt like hell when they are bad.  Everything I've ever been through in my life; the loves, the heartbreaks, the highs and the lows, strangely enough I wouldn't trade them for a 'perfect' life.  I AM who I AM.  I am of the highest Spirit.  I AM ONE WITH SPIRIT.  I AM LOVE.  I know that one day I will be healed.  I know that someday soon I will find my path again.  I am and have always been the eternal optimist even if my head has never made sense of it.  Today I look towards myself, to my spiritual optimism, to my body's innate ability to heal itself of all the physical issues as well as emotional.  Today I release all the emotional issues that I've carried around for so long in not just hope, but in FAITH, that I will find myself again.  
I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE PHOTOS. They are a compilation of pictures about chakras and kundalini that I loved.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Because of Karma can I really continue to be called the Raw Food "Cowgirl"?

Frenchi and Karma Spring 2012
Two days ago I gave away my last horse.  Her name is Karma.

Oh, my husband (soon to be ex-husband) still has his two horses but I am no longer a "cowgirl".  To be honest, I haven't even rode in years, not since my Sierra passed away in 2009.  Oh, I jumped on Jack a few times bareback but only for a few minutes.  Jack is the 22 year old paint gelding that is in the photo with me on my header above.  However, to actually ride and have a connection with a horse, well, that's been a very long time for me.

Karma was the granddaughter and only living bloodline of my beloved Sierra.  Sierra's daughter, French Foxwood (Frenchi) died about a year ago now.  One minute she was healthy and the next she was gone due to an unknown stomach gas issue.  Luckily her first and only foal was four months old and weaned.

I had intended to keep Karma forever. With the divorce and upcoming move and change of life, well, I had no idea how or where I'd keep her.  I can't express how much my heart has broken because of this.  How much my heart has broken over the years because of my love of horses.
Sierra Rojo Fox and Ciscos Blue Junewood as yearlings

I remember the first time my heart was broken by a horse.  His name is Ciscos Blue Junewood.  We bought him the same day as Sierra.  They were so adorable together.  They stole a large part of my heart all those years ago.  There will always be a spot in there for both of them.  We sent Cisco to a well known roping trainer in Texas.  He was there on and off for a year or two.  The second time we sent him the trainer started taking Cisco to competitions and the bills started piling up.  We couldn't keep up with the training and the showing fees and we had to sell him.  I didn't want to.  I begged and cried not to.  I think for about a year after that I was still numb over losing him.  Sierra Rojo Fox was my lifeline that year.  It was just her and me after that.  Oh, we kept buying new young fillies to add to the broodmare line and we eventually purchased a new baby stallion we named Moose.  It was Sierra though that understood my heartbreak.  We were... Our relationship was nothing I'd ever experienced with a horse before.  I'd been around and loved horses all my life but Sierra was... Well, she WAS my heart.  After moving to East Texas she passed away after a several day fight against and unknown and uncontrollable issue with diarrhea.  I wasn't there when they put her to sleep because they said she was in so much pain she was throwing herself against the stall walls and that I shouldn't be there.  One of the biggest mistakes of my life was not being there for her.  I won't ever forgive myself for being such a chicken shit and allowing her last moments to be with strangers. 
The last photo of Sierra and you can see her pain...

After she passed away I tried so very hard to make a connection with her daughter, Frenchi.  That girl!  Wow, she did not enjoy the loving I tried to give her.  She was an incredibly independent and free spirited girl. I eventually connected, somewhat, with a pair of sisters named Bridget and Frosty.  But, like everything else in my life at that time, they too were not meant to be part of my life.  All the mares and foals were given away on my 44th birthday last year.  Every horse, other than Karma, the stallion (Karma's dad) Moose and the 22 year old paint gelding were gone by then end of the day, December 19, 2012.

I think it was around then that I gave up.  I didn't even attempt to be raw anymore.  Loosely vegetarian was about all I could muster after that.  Desserts, vegetarian Mexican food, pasta, bread, sugar, ice cream, chips, packaged dessert cakes were all shoveled down my throat in hopes to stop the incredible aching pain in my heart.  Nine months and THIRTY POUNDS heavier my heart still hurts just as bad, if not more. 

Divorcing a man you've loved and lived with for 12 years is tough.  Letting go of two sons because they are out of the nest and living their own lives, with little to do with me, is incredibly tough.  Living through bankruptcy and foreclosure is tough.  Moving to a new area that you hate is tough. Losing my entire "horsey family" has been... can I say catastrophic without sounding too pitiful? Most people will never understand but animal people will.  Animals love you No Matter What.  Thin or fat, in the money or poor, happy or sad, animals will always love you.  I wish more people were like that.  I wouldn't feel so alone these days...

Raw emotions are tough on people who aren't going through as much as I am right now.  Going back to raw in the middle of such heartache, well, although I'm not sure it's a great idea, I'm doing it anyway.  How much more can a girl hurt anyway? 
Picture of me with best smile I can muster

So, back to the blog.  Now that I'm horseless, can or should I still call myself and this blog the "Raw Cowgirl"?  I guess, since I haven't been raw for the past year, it's as much of a lie as not having horses anymore.  So maybe it's fine the way it is.  Or maybe the title should completely be changed.  I don't know anymore.

I do know that I want, almost need to do is to continue this blog. Blogging here keeps me in line and on raw foods.  It also gives me something positive to look forward to.  And it give me friends, even virtual friends are better than nothing right?  Any who knows, maybe I'll even start replying to comments.  Lol.  It's not that I didn't want to in the past, it's that I'm always so embarrassed for being so honest on here, you know?

What does everyone think?  Should I change the title?  If so, what should I call it?  Should I totally revamp the whole thing?  Should I leave it alone? Anyone out there have any suggestions? 

Day 4 of Juice Feast and ordered Dan's Detox Mastery set

I've made it to Day 4 of this Juice Feast and I admit it's been the toughest juice fast I've ever done to date.  At least that I remember.  Day one started out great but ended with the worst headache I've had in years.  Day two was a bit better and I even managed not to make myself any raw cacao and coconut butter that I was dieing for.  Day 3 I had to go out of town and managed to juice before leaving and took a cooler with me but I did falter a little. I was in Natural Grocers getting more greens and a coconut lemon tart caught my attention and I couldn't resist.  It had been a bad, long, emotional day and I was feeling sorry for myself so I allowed myself that little splurge.  Man, I've got to tell you though, I'm seriously upset with that brand for adding cane sugar to their recipe :(  I didn't realize they weren't 100% raw anymore.  Bad Bad Bad on them!  While I was at the store I also purchase some organic green seedless :( table grapes and found myself munching on them last night while watching a movie.  At least the organic grapes were a better choice than popcorn.

Today, so far, I've been fine. Juiced a big quantity of green juice and it lasted me until an hour ago.  I'm thinking I need to juice myself a carrot mix next.

Also wanted to share with you today's video by Dan The Life Regenerator McDonald.  And just so you know... I bought his Detox Master set today.  Although I've  been on this road 6 and a half years now, this past year has, well, sucked big time.  I NEED Dan's motivation and knowledge to get me back on track.  I can't wait to get his videos!!!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Changing My Life (1 day /1 juice) at a time.

Have you ever said to yourself, "Is this really all I've got?" and you know your answer before the thought even finishes.  Well, that's how I've been feeling lately yet I couldn't seem to pull myself out of the abyss.

There were so many reasons I fell into the pit of self loathing that I've been wallowing in for the past year. The move to the desert that I never wanted and have regretted since the moment we drove into town. A marriage that just keeps marching along because we are both too comfortable with the way it is and simultaneously afraid to leave. Then there is the heart wrenching loneliness I've felt in my heart for, again, years.  It's not natural for a person's heart to hurt all the time.  Top that all off with a TWO HOUR drive to the closest organic grocer and, well... I just gave up. 
Now, I don't want you to think the past year has been all bad for me.  Actually, I spent most of the year completely internalized and have done an incredible amount of meditation, study and spiritual evolution.  Now I find myself stuck even in that part of my life.

I know why.

It's all goes back (in part) to what I've been physically putting into my body by way of 'food'.  I, of all people, should not be surprised... honestly I'm not surprised I've made myself sick again.  It might actually have been a semiconscious decision or just plain depression.  Either way, I am here to tell you that I have finally and thankfully hit the wall and I'm saying, "STOP!".

I am more valuable than this.  I LOVE MYSELF MORE THAN THIS. All this sadness and feelings of not having any control of my life has to stop NOW.  If I don't love myself, who will, right?!

I've made several decisions in my life this summer.  The first being that my husband and I will finally bite the bullet and get a divorce.  We've been talking about it for years on and off but this time we both know it's over.

Second, that I need to move to a location that I feel drawn to.  At the moment I'm feeling the three state area of eastern Washington, Idaho panhandle and western Montana, specifically the four cities listed below.
And the third decision I made and although seemingly the least life changing it is actually the most life changing.  How do I know this?  Because I've done it before.  I know what happens physically, emotionally, energetically, spiritually when a person goes 100% raw with lots and lots of juices.

IT CHANGES YOU.  On so many levels going back to 100% raw and juicing is more life changing than a divorce or moving across the country.  And honest to goodness...


Sunday, March 10, 2013

'Nearly Raw' HAIKU ROLLS Recipe

Alright, first I'll address the elephant in the room.  Yes, it seems that I'm posting... again.  So much for quitting but I wanted to post this recipe and I realized the best place for recipes is still here.  

So, here we go again :)

Into a large bowl add the following ingredients then MASSAGE WELL
to wilt the kale and spinach and get the garlic flavor in there.
4 large leaves Lacinato Kale, torn or cut into bite size pieces
Handful of Spinach
a Tbs or so EVOO
1 tsp Garlic powder or finely chopped

After the greens are nice and soft add the following to the bowl
1-2" inches Ginger root, fresh grated
(if you don't have fresh then use powdered in the first step)
2 large Carrots, grated
1 C of either Diakon Radish or Jicama (I used Jicama)
1 grated small garlic &/or dill Pickle
(yes, I said Pickle! Just do it :)
1/4 C Red Onion, chopped (optional, not in the picture)
Juice of half a Lemon
1-2 Tbs Nama Shoyu or low sodium soy sauce
 1 Tbs Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce or to taste
(I've recently become seriously addicted to this stuff and I need to just make my own homemade without the chemicals and preservatives but until then...)    
Now stir well getting all ingredients and sauce even distributed.
You can even let it sit a few minutes to really get the flavors incorporated.

This may be the hardest part for some people but give it a try anyway.
If you just can't get the Rice Paper you could use Nori Sheets
or at the very least you could just eat what you have as a slaw.
 Vietnamese Rice Paper
Bamboo Sushi Mat
Prepare rice paper according to directions or basically just dip in very hot water
for a minute until soft.  Now this next part is important, especially if you used Jicama... 
you will need to squeeze out the extra liquid from the 'slaw' before wrapping in the rice
paper.  Don't squeeze it dry, but you don't want it running down your chin, arms, etc. 
Then wrap as normal.  Use the remaining liquid as a dip.
Alright... so I guess this blog isn't quite finished.  For those of you still hangin' around, I guess I'll just keep you guessing as to when and what I may postAlthough... if you have any requests, I'd love to hear them and maybe even follow up for a change :)
Love and Light from West Texas!