Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Juice Feast and 3 legged chairs

In the past I've tried to describe myself as a strong person. Since going raw many people have commented about how strong I must be, what willpower, etc. But I've got to admit, I'm not feeling strong right now.

It seems I am more like my antique 3 legged chair. As long as all 3 legs are under me I'm solid as a rock. Take away one leg or even part of one leg and I'm doomed.

Yesterday I stared the day with a coconut/kale/hemp/goji berry smoothie. But by late afternoon I was wiped out. I was out of town with the boys and I was emotionally drained and we ended up at Olive Garden. I had a glass of wine, a few bites of bread, the entire salad with their house dressing and a bowl of minestrone soup (vegetarian). Needless to say last night and today I still feel awful. And I knew I would.

Why? Self-punishment? Lack of willpower? No, I think it's just me, as always when I'm emotionally stressed, I eat. I thought I was over it but I guess high emotional stress is too much for my willpower to overcome. I don't hardly care anymore and that's the scary part. I know I'll eventually find my way back to 100% raw but right now I guess I'm just wallowing. Pisses me off that I'm allowing myself to wallow.... so I'm hoping it won't last too long.

I just wish I could get on with my life and get back to where I was.