Monday, January 26, 2009

The Road of Change

The road less traveled. Hum.

In previous posts I've written about that road. (Though I may have since deleted those posts for fear of being too open on the internet.) Roads less traveled. The unconventional road. The road that teters on the edge, overlooking the beautiful and vast world beyond. Not the center path. Not the safe path. And certainly not the expected path for a typical American mother and wife.

A year ago I was talking a lot about this. About trying harder to please myself for a change. Follow my heart, my dreams, my path. But then we moved to Texas and life was hectic, to say the least. Now, we're settled and I'm finding myself thinking about the path I wish to tred. But what I want to do is so unconventional. And at the moment, it's still pretty abstract. I don't actually know exactly what I want. But I know, whatever it is, I have to find a way to do it. Not for my family but for myself. Because if I don't, I'll lose my true self, my soul.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not unhappy. I love my family, my life. But I'm losing part of myself by being... so normal, for lack of a better term. I'm not normal. I'm not typical. But I've been living as such.

Change is difficult. It takes time. But it's worth it in the end isn't it. You just have to have the ... guts, nerve, balls to change. Now, do I have it in me to change?