Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The RAW HIGH and why I choose not to....

Over the years I've wondered on and off if I do have a problem with alcohol. I know I don't though. I don't have to drink it. I turn it down often and I can quit at anytime I want.

But I do agree with Heather. Sometimes it just calls your name!

When I first went raw I quit drinking too. At my 20 year high school reunion I had one sip of wine and that was all. I didn't even go out partying with the rest of my class like I really wanted to. I knew myself well enough that if I did go I'd either be a party pooper (which I hate!) or I'd give in (more than likely). I don't regret my choice at that time. My hardheadedness of being perfectly 100% raw at that time was what my body needed. I had only been raw a few months and was not feeling 'cured' quite yet. At that time I made the right decision.

Now, well, I just don't know. Being 100% perfect DOES give you a NATURAL HIGH that unless you've experienced it yourself, really is unbelievable. That natural state of elevation is a drug in itself. It is difficult to attain though. Or at least it was for me. I don't remember exactly when I first felt it but I do remember that I was at least 4-6 months into being perfectly raw, no alcohol, no gum, just pure honest hard earned perfection. Oh, but it was worth it!

So why don't I go 100% raw to find that perfect natural high again?

It's not why you'd think. It's not the hard work. It's not the peer pressure. It's not the alcohol. It's not even the cost of only eating organic. Honestly, it's because I'm afraid.

I remember that feeling. The mental clarity. The feeling of really being in tune to every thing and every one. I LOVED THAT FEELING!

It was at that time that I was really pushing my family about being off the grid. Wind energy, underground greenhouses, that sort of thing. I quit wearing anything but natural fabrics and threw out all my make up. My husband thought I'd gone off the grid.

At that time I also started dreaming about a large cat, (sometimes a cougar, sometimes a black panther)... a lot. She, well, she talked to me and helped me through what I was feeling. Sometimes she was a falcon and we'd fly together discussing the planet and how it's dying at human hands. I became a fanatic about everything from recycling to not having chemicals or microwaves in my house. I quit shampooing my hair too. (Very liberating, you should try it sometime!)

Everything I felt and saw was different. I was different and I loved what I was becoming. Unfortunately my family didn't see my change in the same way I did. I was making their lives more difficult. My friends, relatives, my children and my husband all thought I'd gone a little wacky. Oh, sure, they still loved me. But I was not the same person I'd been before.

It's not easy being green when everyone else is florescent.

So I started giving in and changing back and drinking that glass of wine at dinner to make my family comfortable with me again. Now my lifestyle is more acceptable for everyone. Sure, there are things I just couldn't give up like recycling (though Texas is proving to be a difficult place to recycle in!), I still won't use OTC toothpaste, I use only organic, sulfate free shampoos and vegan mineral makeup plus I still wash everyday clothes with soap nuts. I haven't ripped out the microwave.... yet (though one of these days the kids and husband will find a gaping hole where it used to be :o) So there are a lot of things I continue to do that make me feel good about the planet, myself and life.

I do wish though, that I could find that feeling again.