Friday, July 31, 2009

Control, SAD, Alcohol and living RAW

Yesterday.... It started so well!

Strawberry Banana smoothie with Brazil milk and maca for breakfast.

Homemade raw cereal w/Brazil milk for lunch.

A beautiful peach for a snack.

Raw Asian Cucumber Salad for dinner.

But I wasn't quite full so I mixed some raw cacao, powdered goji berries, hemp seed, buckwheat flour, agave and coconut oil together with a bit of vanilla bean and rolled a banana in the mixture and froze for a few minutes. Yummy!

Then.... a few hours later, when I was still flying from the cacao, my husband decided to be a little lovey so he brought me a glass of wine! I hadn't told him I wanted to quit plus there was still a half bottle from a few nights before. Anyway, a glass of wine isn't that terrible... yet I'm still disappointed in myself. I didn't finish the glass either. It's just the self control issue I'm upset about. How can I call myself a raw foodist, how can I say I'm in control of my life and my eating if I can't control the alcohol? Again, I want to say here I am not an alcoholic. I don't get drunk, I'm very much a control freak about getting drunk and I hate losing control. I just wish I could stop drinking for the sake of being raw and keeping myself super healthy.

Sometimes I think my (idea of) lack of control with alcohol goes back to the way I used to eat - back when I was SAD. I LOVED food! I was a great cook, ask anyone who knows me! I was just as able to whip up anything from meatloaf to my famous 7 layer death by chocolate cake with ganache filling - all from scratch. And my tastes ranged from oysters on the half shell and sushi to rack of lamb. I even ate my steaks (prime rib was my favorite) medium rare. I loved to eat out and try new things and I very seldom found anything I didn't like. I think that's partially why it was at first easy to become raw. I like to try new things. My taste buds like different flavors. But now, after over 2 years of being raw my taste buds are bored out of their minds!!! For awhile there I couldn't even look at a salad without being nauseous. Now I eat them so that I don't eat something else but I seldom enjoy my food anymore. Raw desserts, sure, I love them, when I have the time and money to make them.