Sunday, February 13, 2011

I'm happy to be back and blogging for you (and me!)

Blogging.  It's like anything else in my life.  I'm either addicted to it or I totally leave it by the wayside. 

My "rawness" is, unfortunately, very much the same.  I'm either 100% raw, healthy, happy and pain free or I'm eating SAD (Standard American Diet), the chronic pain and swelling is ruling (and ruining) my life and I'm seriously depressed.  I'm either terrific or a train wreck.

For those of you new to my blog I'll give you a quick run down (but I highly suggest you go to the beginning and read it for yourself).  Almost 4 years ago I was in the midst of a nightmare.  I was 37 years old and though I had been living with the symptoms for years, had just been diagnosed with severe rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia.  I still remember my rheumatologist telling me that my disease was one of the fastest acting cases he'd personally diagnosed.  He said that I should live my life as much as possible now because he suspected I'd be in a wheelchair by the time I was 45 years old.  He sent me home with a fist full of prescriptions that would help with the pain and hopefully slow down the progression of the debilitating disease.  For almost a year I did everything my doctor told me to do. I took every pill prescribed and when they started eating my stomach I took even more pills to counteract the ones supposedly helping me.  I gained 40 pounds from the steroids, spent $500 a month on the drugs, was either constipated or had diarrhea and was scared out of my mind I'd never be "healthy" again.  I'd drink a bottle of wine a night to sleep and a pot of coffee in the mornings to get out of bed.  I ate pain pills and sleeping pills like they were candy and I was on the verge of a serious depression.

Then I decided to find myself a cure because what I was doing sure in the hell wasn't helping me. Within months of going 100% RAW I lost those 40 pounds, the swelling went away and most of the pain.  In another few months I was off all prescriptions, lost another 30 pounds and was feeling better than I had in literally 10 years.  I considered myself "cured" and started blogging about the awesomeness of being raw.  After two years of being raw and feeling amazing I thought I was completely cured and didn't need to be so strict.  I was working full time at a job where it was near impossible to be raw at so I let myself eat a little of this, a little of that.  My new friends and coworkers in Texas didn't know the crippled me before I became raw so they weren't as supportive as my friends and family back home in Nebraska.  They were always saying "oh, it won't kill you to eat it" (how wrong they were).  For another year I ate approximately 75-100% raw.  I started gaining weight but otherwise felt fine.  And then my husband transferred to a new job 7 hours away while the boys and I stayed home taking care of the ranch. Things got slowly worse and worse and worse.

For the past 6 months I've been a passenger on a runaway train. It's embarrassing.  I can't believe I'm even blogging about it, it's been so hard for me to accept. I've gained 35 pounds, the pain and swelling of the rheumatoid arthritis has come back and even the fibromyalgia sometimes rears it's ugly head.  My restless leg syndrome and insomnia bother me every night without fail.  My libido crashed and the hot-flashes of early menopause from a hysterectomy 12 years ago hit me multiple times a day.  And that's all the good news.  The bad news is that I fell into the worse depression I've ever experienced.   I really don't want to blog about that now, but I will another day.  I will say that I started seeing a therapist and she has been a huge help!

As far as my RAWNESS I managed to go 100% raw for a week the first week of February, I lost 7 pounds and the swelling and pain of the RA went away - PRESTO!  Like magic!  It was awesome and amazing and beautiful!  All was good in the world and I was coming back.

Then my husband transferred back home.  Which is awesome in it's own right.  My family is all back together and all is good with the world, right?  Wrong.  I haven't been 100% raw one single day since he came home.  I've gained back a couple pounds, the restless leg and insomnia have come back and of course the RA is back. 

But I'm going to try again tomorrow, as I have everyday for the past week.  Tomorrow though is going to be the day.  The day I go raw again and this time stay raw, for life.  Though I don't know how realistic that goal really is.  Eating raw is a complete life change and it's so difficult when you're by yourself surrounded by a family of SAD eaters.  But I'm going to try.