Wednesday, April 20, 2011

My therapist and Learning to Accept my limitations :(

I've been seeing a therapist since the first of the year.   Basically I had no other choice as I was in possibly the worst depression of my life at the time.  It took me just over a month to find a therapist/counselor/psychiatrist that was on board with my "NO MEDICATION" lifestyle.  Finding her was a difficult chore all by itself.   Now, three and a half months later, I admit that "Yes! I DO feel better!"  She really has helped me with my depression, issues and, lets just call it 'all that other crap'. 

Part of what she thinks is responsible for my depression and emotional troubles are my issues with my rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia.  She understands that I don't actually want to 'own' them because I feel that by not 'owning' them, they won't own me by taking over my life.  However, she feels that I'm not 'accepting' that I have these chronic autoimmune diseases either.  Which I see, from her eyes, it does look like.

My little greenhouse a few weeks ago though it's empty now.

Raised beds several weeks ago. Veggies are all in now!
Lets look at my life. I am entirely in charge of 6 broodmares, 1 stallion, 2 foals, 1 rope horse and 2 young mares that are sorely in need of training to sell and with this herd comes all the ranch duties in addition to all typical house-wifey duties, mommy duties (2 teenage boys, 2 cats and 4 dogs, 2 of which are great danes)... and trying to scrounge up a few graphic design jobs on the side.  Then there is my completely out of the ordinary life style choices of living without doctors, pharmaceuticals, growing an organic garden, keeping up a large butterfly garden and eating raw vegan.  Oh and lets not forget my ever present need to save the planet by recycling, reusing, re-purposing and refusing to use pesticides or chemicals of any kind in our out of the house- in a borderline tropical type area where bugs get B I G! 

So, am I 'accepting my limitations'?  Hardly :)  or should this be :(  I don't rightly know.

Today, in an effort to start 'accepting', I called my old rheumatologist in Fort Collins Colorado and requested my file.  I haven't seen him or any other doctor in over 3 years.  Yes, that was probably not a terrific idea on my part but we all know I wouldn't have taken the meds if they prescribed them anyway.  However, I've decided that due to my, up until now un admitted and frightening loss of range of motion in my hands, wrists, hips, and ankles, I am going see if I can find a doctor that will prescribe physical therapy.

I know, I know.  I could just go back to yoga and exercise by myself.  That's where the problem arises.  I used to love yoga and light exercise but over the past few years I've noticed my joints slowly getting stiffer and stiffer and of course, more painful.  When I am out in the pasture fixing fence, working in the garden, etc., and I over exert myself I pay for it for several days after.   My joints swell up and the heat and inflammation, once back, take some time to ease, even on an 90-98% raw food lifestyle.  So I find I do a little less and a little less and now, here I am, shocked that my right wrist has lost possibly a quarter of it's normal range of motion.  I'm not even going to tell you how bad my hips and ankles are, that's just sad. 

I'll let you know when I find a doctor and what comes of it!