There were so many reasons I fell into the pit of self loathing that I've been wallowing in for the past year. The move to the desert that I never wanted and have regretted since the moment we drove into town. A marriage that just keeps marching along because we are both too comfortable with the way it is and simultaneously afraid to leave. Then there is the heart wrenching loneliness I've felt in my heart for, again, years. It's not natural for a person's heart to hurt all the time. Top that all off with a TWO HOUR drive to the closest organic grocer and, well... I just gave up.
I know why.
It's all goes back (in part) to what I've been physically putting into my body by way of 'food'. I, of all people, should not be surprised... honestly I'm not surprised I've made myself sick again. It might actually have been a semiconscious decision or just plain depression. Either way, I am here to tell you that I have finally and thankfully hit the wall and I'm saying, "STOP!".
I am more valuable than this. I LOVE MYSELF MORE THAN THIS. All this sadness and feelings of not having any control of my life has to stop NOW. If I don't love myself, who will, right?!
I've made several decisions in my life this summer. The first being that my husband and I will finally bite the bullet and get a divorce. We've been talking about it for years on and off but this time we both know it's over.
Second, that I need to move to a location that I feel drawn to. At the moment I'm feeling the three state area of eastern Washington, Idaho panhandle and western Montana, specifically the four cities listed below.
IT CHANGES YOU. On so many levels going back to 100% raw and juicing is more life changing than a divorce or moving across the country. And honest to goodness...
I AM READY FOR IT!